Thursday, October 04, 2007

Stages of Ill-Repute

This post shall endeavour to explain the mysteries of facial hair, and the direct correlation between its length and the bearer's overall sketchiness.

Let's begin, shall we?

In essence, it is a simple equation. As the number of meetings and appointments decrease, the propensity to shave decreases, and consequently, the Scruffiness ratio, or ScruffR™, increases. In extreme cases, it was discovered that the consecutive number of days without social interaction was inversely proportionate to shaving.

This invariably leads to a state similar to the one depicted below:

Curiously, after a certain level of scruffiness has been achieved, the desire to shave skyrockets. We have dubbed this "curiosity shaving" as the individual is only interested in shaving certain areas. See figure three:

Bizarrely, this state of being somewhat scruffy (or, as we have identified it, somewhat shaved), is the catalyst for a temporary insanity or dementia. With his new facial hair, the subject, for reasons as yet unknown, takes on the mannerisms of a stereotypical Mexican gangster. Lab personnel report the subject repeatedly muttered under his breath the phrase "i'm gonna cut you, esé."

Thank God there was a client meeting today. I'm just saying. And, for the record, it was way worse than the last time I posted about this.